5 Reasons Why Moms Should Put Themselves First

Motherhood does not equal martyrdom. You are a goddess, literally bringing life into this world. You deserve to put yourself, your needs, your passions, your dreams, your heart at the center of your life every. single. day.

Mama, I see you.

I’ve been a mother for ten years. I was a stay-at-home mom for the first three years and a single parent for the last seven.

I know what it is like to be up many nights in a row, soothing teething babies, cleaning puke out of bed sheets, wiping tears after those wake-you-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-nightmares.

I know what it is like to live with intense mom guilt for not chaperoning enough (or any) field trips, for never having matching clean socks right before school, for staring at my phone too much and playing with my kids too little.

I know what it is like to cry behind a locked bathroom door while my kids fight on the other side, to go to sleep wishing I could have done better and knowing I’ll be drifting off to the same thought tomorrow, to have guilt-filled wonder about the path not taken and how I would be different.

For the first 5 years, I bought into the story that mothers equal martyrs. I believed that in order to be a good mom and wife, I was to have no needs and telepathically know all the needs of my family. By the time my husband left the marriage, I was a shell of a human. I was unembodied, I had no passions, dreams, or interests. I had completely lost the essence of me.

There are few greater tragedies than losing oneself.

I, just like you, came to this world to be fully in my power. When we are living in alignment with that purpose, we are so filled with love and energy, that it naturally flows out of us and into the lives around us. We are in a state of abundance. From there, we can be our most magnetic, generous, present selves. And who is going to benefit the most from that (besides you, sweet goddess)?

Your family.

5 Reasons to Put Yourself First

1. You are more than a mom

Close your eyes and repeat that. You are so much more than a mom. The pressures and guilt of motherhood will strip away your personal identity. And in this culture, our expectations of mothers are such that no matter how much you give to your children, it will never be enough. Let me say that again. We give and we give and we give until we are so far past empty that we don’t even recognize ourselves anymore and we will still feel like we aren’t “mom” enough.

My dear, you are more than enough. You are a unique, divine, masterpiece of a human that, at your core, is pure love. You are a spirit with a collection of experiences, dreams, goals, and passions that were specifically designed for you. In your fullest, most embodied self, you are here to experience the pleasure of life. Tap into that person who had wild and untamed dreams and invite her back in.

2. You can only give when your cup is full

We’ve all heard the analogy that we must put on our oxygen masks before assisting others. While it’s almost become cliché, it’s no less true. How can we save anyone if we don’t first save ourselves? Another analogy: we must fill our own cup before pouring into others. When our cup is empty, we simply have nothing to give. You can hold that empty cup upside down for days, shake it with the vigor of a category 7 earthquake, but if your cup is empty, not a single drop will come out.

If you are in a role that requires a lot of giving, (and let’s be honest, if you’re a mom that’s a given), you must put yourself on the top of the list of who gets your giving. When we are full, we can offer ourselves from a place of abundance. The alternative? Scraping the bottom of the barrel for scraps. From what place would you rather receive?

3. You’ll be present to your children

When I am on empty, I am grumpy. And when I am grumpy, I am not present to my children. I may be in the same room with them but I’m checked out. And guess what? They know it. It’s easy to fall into the quantity over quality mindset with parenting, thinking your physical presence is the greatest present of all but as a single parent who spends only half my time with my own kids, I have come to believe that quality always outranks quantity.

If you need to find a sitter, put your kids in child care, or give them a little extra screen time so that you can meet your needs, I promise you that the time spent with your children will be twice as good. And they will feel it.

4. Be a role model

One of a mother’s greatest desires is for her children to grow into their full realized selves, to freely and bravely (and safely) engaged with the world. How can we expect our children to have this experience if we do not guide them with our actions? Indeed, one of the best ways to encourage our children to become explorers of themselves and this world is to lead by example.

When we show our children what infinite, internal, non-circumstantial joy looks like, we teach them to be free. When we show our children what unbounded, enthusiastic passion looks like, we teach them to be curious. When we show them what healthy boundaries and self care look like, we teach them how to love. And that sounds like a job well done.

5. You DESERVE it

No one else in society is expected to give up their body, their time, their goals, and their dreams. But moms? They can never give enough. Working moms are selfish. Stay at home moms are lazy. Single moms are failures. The mom guilt goes so damn deep that we start losing our sense of worth.

Just writing that sentence makes me angry.

Mama, you’ve given up so much of yourself and now is the time to reclaim YOU. You are a goddess, literally bringing life into this world by sharing your body, your mind, and your spirit. You are awesome in the most sincere use of that word. You deserve to put yourself, your needs, your passions, your dreams, your heart at the center of your life every. single. day.

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Are you ready to put yourself first so that you can show up for YOU? 1:1 embodiment coaching might be for you! Book a FREE call with me to learn more.